I don't intend to make anyone sad or cry with this post but just a reminder to cherish each moment with your loved ones.
I can't believe it has been five years since I held Amber's hand and kissed her sweet cheeks. I don't know how I walked out of the hospital on that Friday night five years ago. She was to be moved out of ICU after one night to a regular room that Friday afternoon. We were at the hospital a little over 24 hours. She and I had just laughed and played a game a few hours before. Never in a million years would I have thought we would be burying Amber a few days later. She was ready to go Home and had just told me a few months before. Amber did go Home. Home to Heaven. She knew the rare form of muscular dystrophy that had destroyed her body but never her mind had become too much for her to handle. I cried when she told me this. Her body was just tired. She always had a smile on her face for others but I knew at times she was sad about how life "could have been". She never asked "why me?"
That Friday night I never could have left the hospital without God walking along beside me and my family. It's all kind of a blur because I couldn't believe that I had just lost a child of my own. I am thankful that I held her in my arms surrounded by Jennifer and my husband as she left this earth. It's still unreal to me at times that Amber is no longer here. Her room is just the same as it was before we rushed her to the hospital ... except for the curio that we gave to Maggie Kate for her nursery. It's what Amber would have wanted. The book she was reading is still bookmarked and untouched as she left it. Jennifer and I made her bed after the funeral (after we smelled her sweet scent) crying our eyes out. The bed has not been slept in since. I walk by her bedroom a hundred times a day wishing she was there just to give me a hug. She always asked for hugs :) I'm often asked (as any mother is) how many children I have. I say two ... a daughter in Heaven and a daughter here on earth. People often look shocked after they ask but I say it's ok ...I love to talk about both my daughters.
I once thought I could never survive the passing of a child but I get up each morning and put one foot in front of the other and go about my day. A piece of my heart went to Heaven that Friday night five years ago but I do know God is with me and Amber is in Heaven walking again. I often wonder how tall she is now that she no longer needs a wheelchair? I do know she is waiting one day to be reunited with us all and oh what a day that will be!!