I feel so bad sometimes that maybe I missed something going on with her body other than the muscular dystrophy and it was my fault. Maybe I should have gotten her to the ER sooner. I have gone through feeling so guilty. I was with her 24/7 and how could it happen so quickly? I have come to terms that it was all God's planning and his timing and I knew that all along. It's just the mother in me I guess - if maybe I had done this or that.
I was so upset this week. I go to the cemetery everyday sometimes twice a day to check on her gravesite. I had gone Thursday morning and everything was in place. My husband and I then met Jennifer in Birmingham for wedding plans and we came home and went straight to the cemetery. I jumped out of the car and her snowflake was missing, along with her shepherd's hook and her little snowmen on her headstone. She loved snowmen. My first instinct was someone must have stolen it and then I began to look around and things from other gravesites were missing. I know the cemetery well by now and knew who had windchimes and birdhouses from shepherds hooks. Then I knew the maintenance men had taken her things off her headstone. You talking about one mad mother! I immediately went to the dumpster and my husband and I found Amber's things - some broken : ( Not only has my heart been broken forever but the thought that the cemetery owner's could do such a thing just hurts even more! I have cried and then been so mad the last few days. Needless to say I was at the cemetery office first thing the next morning and expressed my feelings to the owner, he knew I was UPSET. I said what was on my mind and I do feel better. I told him we would personally see to our daughter's gravesite and it would be well maintained. I still don't think he "got it". I asked him if he had ever lost a child or someone he truly loved. He really gave no response. So sad that people live like he does...all for the money.
This is the way it looked. Do you see anything wrong with this? I arranged it for winter and I have things planned for Valentines and Easter. I feel that is the only way I can do something for her. I know she is in Heaven but this is her final resting place. My husband and I own the plots on either side of hers where we will be one day. We had sodded it ourselves and planted winter grass. The owner's will do it if you ask but we wanted to do it ourselves... it is sacred ground to us.
So just pray for me and my family... it has been so hard this week and I know there are so many other families grieving as well and my heart aches for them.
I have watched the tragedy unfold in Haiti and it breaks my heart as well. So many people lost and dying from just a broken leg. It is so sad.
Thanks for visiting and maybe I will be back to happier things next week.