Amber ... I can't believe it has been two years since I held your hand in mine and kissed you goodnight. Two long years of missing you. I walk by your room a hundred times a day and oh how I wish you were in there watching television or reading. Your DVR is still set with the shows you recorded. I sometimes go in there to see what is recording. We haven't had it in our heart to disconnect it.
I know you are in Heaven and one day I will see you again. My faith is what gets me through the days. God had a plan for you before you were born. I can clearly see that now. You touched so many lives in your nearly 30 years here on earth. Everyone said you always had a smile on your face. I know you have a huge smile now that you are walking again and out of the wheelchair :) Oh to see you walk again and one day I will! In the meantime I have to stay here until God calls me home and keep your sister and your Daddy going. Someone has to keep them in line :)
I thanked God when you were born and so perfect! Big blue eyes and long dark hair. Oh and those long eyelashes ... I was so jealous!! You looked like a china doll.
When you were diagnosed with muscular dystrophy I feared our time with you on earth would be cut short. We always made the most of our time. I always said I would have no regrets and I spoiled you rotten!! You knew you had me wrapped around your little finger (and your daddy too).
Someone told me once that God gives special kids to special parents. I don't consider myself special ... he just knew you would be very well taken care of by your daddy and me. I go to your Facebook account to "farm" your farm and see your friends post about being married and having babies. I can't help think about how it could have been had you not had this horrible disease. All I wanted was for you to be healthy and to live a normal life. Things don't always go as planned. But none of us are promised tomorrow. That's the way I always tried to look at life. We could be gone in the blink of an eye.
So many people say they think of you when they see sunflowers or the color purple! It makes me happy to know that people who didn't even know you think of you when they spot a sunflower. It's like you are shining down on us with a huge smile.
This week I was purchasing pinwheels to put on your gravesite to tie balloons to and a lady asked me if I was having a party. I told her no that I was putting one on my daughter's headstone and she was so touched. I know she was thinking she shouldn't have asked me what I was doing with them. She was touched by my story.
Of course the pinwheels are purple!
I still cry every day and I probably always will ... it's just a "mommy" thing. As parents we are not supposed to have to bury our children. Believe me it was the hardest and most heartbreaking thing in my life.
You once told me that if you could have a job it would be rocking babies in a nursery. I read other parents blogs who have lost babies and I imagine you rocking babies in Heaven :)
As I said above it is my faith in God that keeps me going. Heaven is not far away at all!
Keep on smiling down on us! We will see you again one day :)
Love you sweet girl!